Bip still lives!

Bip, my beta who had a brush with death is doing alright. His lips still look ragged and his tail has a little red on it. My friend Jeff told me that he thinks my father was simply an agent of the universe trying to set right the whole 'Bip is still alive'.

I saw my doctor today. It was a brief visit and he mentioned he wished all his patients were like me. The whole thing was quick and easy. So more meds coming my way!

That's about it...

Unhappy

I'm really stressed out and depressed right now. At about three this afternoon I was woken up by Derrick. He'd locked himself out of his car and needed me to come get him. This didn't bother me in the least. However when I was down stairs putting on my shoes I noticed that the fish I'd gotten a few weeks ago was in distress. His water was yellow and cloudy and there was a thick layer of food on the bottom of his bowl. Now despite the fact I didn't sleep for over 24 hours until this morning I knew I sure as heck didn't feed him. This left only my dad as the culprit. I asked him if he fed the fish and he said no. The problem is it's just him and me in the house so it had to be him. Now I don't think he's lying to me I just think he doesn't remember. See, he is a heavy drinker and I suspect yesterday (he tends to drink heavily on the weekend) he fed Bip (the fish) and just doesn't remember because he was so drunk.

The reason I'm so stressed out and depressed is because I'm dreading talking to him about his drinking problem. In the past I mentioned it to him but I haven't disclosed my full feelings. On the weekends I tend to not want to get out of bed because that mean's he'll be drinking. He doesn't get violent only goofy and acts really odd. This really upsets me though because his health isn't in the best condition to begin with and he's on so many medications. So I spend my time stressing about it and doing my best to ignore my own feelings on the matter which only leads to more stress! ><

God I'm not looking forward to this talk. I'm not doing it today because chances are in the hour I was gone getting Derrick he's already drank a good amount of vodka (his drink of choice) and I rather talk to him when he's completely sober so I'll have to get him right after he gets home from work.

ARG!

I ended up sleeping the whole damned day today. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to. It wasn't like the rest of the week. My father went to the pharmacy and asked for a few pills to tide me over and asked them to try to talk to my doctor to find out what's going on. I love my daddy, he's such a great guy <3. Honestly I'm surprised that I slept the whole day. Typically when I do that at some point I wake up and have to force myself (it's not a difficult argument mind you) to stay in bed. For some reason I was completely zonked out.

It's probably because I'm back on my medecine. It always messes with my sleep cycle which is part of the reason I've been sleeping so much. Going back on it also gave me a massive head ache the other day and I've entered a slightly manic state and been scatter brained. I even left Jeff locked in the backseat of my three door car yesterday!

Yesterday (friday) I also cooked dinner for Jeff and Derrick. I made stir fry chicken with miso soup and strawberries with strawberry mochi for dessert. Everything came out great save for the miso. Last time I made miso it wasn't strong enough so I went overboard this time! That's typically how I work. Next time it'll probably be perfect. Tomorrow (sunday) I'll be cooking a pair of steaks for Derrick and myself though I'm not sure what kinds of sides I should make. If I get a little bit more chicken I can make delicious won ton like chicken, garlic and cabbage thingies that just taste wonderful.

Quick rundown of how to make them:

1 packet of premade either egg roll wraps or won ton wraps (found usually near the butter in your grocery store)
Some chicken, boneless breast meat is best
Fresh Garlic
Fresh Cabbage

What I do is first I cook the chicken in a pot. I like to use either peanut oil but any vegitabe oil will work. While it's cooking I chop up some garlic, though you can just use a garlic press. Then I chop up some cabbage (chop it up finely). When the chicken is done cooking (almost undercooked, don't worry its going back in the pan in a second) I take it out let it cool off enough to handle then chop it up finely and throw it back in the pan with the garlic and cabbage. I stir fry that a little bit then take it all out of the pan. Wrap it up in the eggroll/won ton dough and just fry that up.

Can't sleep... Lich King will eat me...

Doctor still hasn't told the pharmacy to refill my meds so I'm gradually going crazy. Been sleeping way too much and right now I'm wide awake. I'm almost afraid to go back to bed. I feel like complete and utter shit right now. It's almost as if either my head is going to explode or I'm going to start vomiting. Not because I'm sick or something but because I'm that emotionally fucked up. I feel depressed but can't cry. In fact I barely feel anything and what I do feel is this annoying sense of dread as if some great evil is going to sweep in and consume my head.

Fucking sanity. GET BACK HERE!!!

Too much sleep :(

Ran out of meds this week which pretty much means I've spent the last three days living in bed. For some reason when I go off my lexapro I end up living in my bed. It doesn't help that I have a really ungodly comfortable bed. I mean... this is the kind of bed sleeping beauty would be made for. I feel like Rip Van fucking Winkle.

So clearly no writing has gotten done. Sick vicious cycle. I get depressed and do nothing and then I get even more depressed because nothing is getting done! ARG!


*crawls off to be distracted by WoW*

DO NOT SEE BURN AFTER READING!

Sorry for the all caps title but sometimes something just needs to be said loudly and nothing says 'I'm yelling' like all caps.

Needless to say I just got back from watching 'Burn After Reading'. Now, I also recently saw 'Babylon AD'. A movie that managed to make gun fights and explosions boring. I found it to be a pointless series of events and shiny colors attempting and failing to hold my attention. 'Burn After Reading' not only felt pointless but it was a movie that seemed confused with itself. It doesn't fit into any known genre and actively seems to want you to dislike it. Every time it starts to pull you in, capture your attention or otherwise make an effort moments later it does its best to annoy or otherwise displease you with the next few events.

In fact I'm so displeased with it I fully intend on writing a letter to the Coen brothers and asking for an apology.

Blarg

Sunday I was supposed to meet with my family for a big dinner to welcome my brother Keith back but my dad ended up getting sick and not waking me and I figured I wouldn't bother to go. I feel a touch bad but I do dislike hanging around children which my brother Kevin has several. I know I know. How horrible of me to dislike children and how dare I dislike kids related to me! There is a reason I'm never going to have kids. I just can't handle them.

I also haven't written jack. *sigh* My own fault. No reason in the world to claim otherwise. I did get sick to my stomach on Monday... not sure why... Regardless I'll try to focus tonight and get some shit done.

Monday I had also intended on going job hunting but that didn't pan out due to the constant urge to vomit that was plaguing me. Hopefully tomorrow will work out better. *crosses fingers*

Need work.... badly!

So my family is broke. Since I don't work my funds depend solely on my fathers and he's currently paying bills pay check by pay check so that means I've very little cash for much of anything. With Warhammer coming out this month as well as Warriors Orochi I'm going to need to look for a job. Oh... and I guess I need one so I can start getting out of the house.

Today my brother finally popped by to pick up some of his things. Tomorrow I'll be getting together with the entire family so I think I'm going to drag Derrick along so I can use him as a shield to deflect my mothers attacks. He's really good at it. She's so struck by him I can avoid nagging.

Tonight I'm going to try to get some writing done. *crosses fingers* Hopefully my muse wont bail on me.

Busy busy... not

Well I'm almost all better. I've still got a cough and some mucus is still gleefully gathering in my bronchial tubes but other than that I'm sounding and feeling mostly normal. Tonight I'm trying out a new Thai restaurant with Jeff. Considering the podunk town I live in exotic foods are hard to come by. However this new Thai place brings the number of Thai restaurants up to two!! Fantastic! I enjoy most Asian foods really as well as Indian food (Tandoori Chicken is my fav). Frankly I like to explore and experience different types of food. Which Derrick isn't very interested in. *big sigh*

Thankfully my brother will be back soon and he loves to experiment with food even more than I do. I can be a bit squeemish but if you put goat eyes in front of him he'd dig in if only for curiosity sake.

Right now Vash is laying on my left arm while I type. Typically he likes to cuddle against my chest while I'm on the computer but I have to push him aside when I type since he's impossible to reach over or around. I don't mind his new habit, I'm able to type and he gets the fun of being in contact with me so its a good comprimise.

Hopefully my muses are feeling better soon, I can already feel them stirring. I want to get published God Damnit!

Politics.

Let me for a moment discuss at random my feelings on politics. Now my father is a republican, my eldest brother is as well, my other brother is a Green Party member and I'm firmly nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some fool who puts their fingers in their ears and chants 'la la la' every four years and tries to pretend that everyone is overly excited about pie. I do follow politics and learn about the candidates and will even be voting this year. Now wait you might say, you're 26 years old, you've been able to vote for years! Well frankly every last election I've been old enough to vote for has been a choice between two slightly different shit waffles and I couldn't think of a single reason to choose one shit topped breakfast food over the other. The primary reason I don't ascribe to any one party is because I find all the choices stupid. I'm a pagan who is pro-choice, likes guns, is all for them gays getting married and loves the environment very very much. This doesn't really fit with the various parties that currently exist. I've looked I tend to disagree on some major point and am unwilling to look the other way.

That big lead in brings me to McCain and his VP choice. I'm all for a woman vice president and that's great and all but my issues with both him and her are pretty big. Recently it got out that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant. This has created a pretty big storm and lots has been said but while a whole lot of dialog is being flung about not much is in truth actually being said. I believe that yes it should be a political issue. Not in the matter of lets pry into their personal lives but more so the idea behind it. It's now common knowledge that her teen daughter has been knocked up. I frankly don't need to dig deeper into their family lives. My problem with it is simple. Palin supports abstinence only programs. Frankly they don't work. You don't walk up to someone and say "Now there is this thing out there called Cheesecake and you'll really really want to try it but DON'T! It's immoral and you should wait till arbitrary later date x that seems impossibly far away because you are young and short sighted. Now... go!" I use cheesecake because sex is as fun as cheesecake is delicious. The fact her own daughter managed to get pregnant at the age of 17 (something I magically avoided due to my NOT WANTING TO GET PREGNANT) shows how disconnected she is with reality and how illogical her mindset is.

Sex is fun and when you are a teen it's pretty darned easy to have. Without giving teenagers the proper tools to handle it they'll of course run around and bump uglies with each other spreading diseases and getting pregnant. You need to explain to them what VDs are but don't try to use it purely as a scare tactic. It's vital that they know about the various different bith controls that exist and give them valid facts about how they work and how well they work. A lot of abstinance only programs outright lie about condoms and attempt to only paint them as evil. So not only are you failing to give children the proper education in the same breath you are taking away a vital tool to protect them and demonizing it! It's ignorance that leads to these foolish decisions that in turn end up putting teens at risk.

Face it. Teens will have sex. It's silly to think that they wont and it's naive to assume that this is a current problem. Sure teen sex was slightly less previlant in the 50s but the culture was so massively different then! Sex wasn't displayed and sold at every street corner. Flesh is being peddled and the amount of intense imigary that we inundated with every day is downright shocking. With the constant temptation of sex, the flood of hormones teens experience it's a miracle they aren't jumping each other in the streets.

So, come voting day that'll be just one of the many reasons I wont be voting for McCain. A man so painfully out of touch with reality, modern American families and who is frankly unfit to lead in every way possible.

Moment of weakness

The other day I was bored so I reactivated my horde account on World of Warcraft. To my surprise I didn't have much fun. I played a little bit then logged off dissapointed. Maybe it'll be better after Wrath of the Lich King, maybe not. Regardless Warhammer Online comes out soon so I can test that out and see how it plays.

Previously it had been many many months since I'd logged onto WoW. I'm actually not even sure how long its been! Oh well. Health wise I'm almost better today should be 100% better soon.

Gradually getting well

Today my brother is supposed to be coming back home. For the last oh... one and a half year he's been living in San Fransisco. The primary catalyst for his return is the cost of living. In San Fransisco he lives in a small apartment with three other people, here in Phoenix he can rent a house with one other person for less than he's paying for the apartment. I'll be happy to have him back; the two of us may not have gotten along for the first 14 years of my life but now we not only enjoy each others company we get along great! Typically he's the only reason I go to new and strange events like parties and clubs. So his absence has been less than pleasant.

My cough isn't as bad as it's been and though I sound like I've been smoking for 30 years I'm all but better. Though I have bronchitis it's perfectly tolerable. The other day I downloaded the free Spore Creature Creator and just had to upgrade to the full edition. It's just the funnest thing ever. I'll have to post a few pictures of the hideously cute things I'm throwing together.

Update! My Spores: